Last night I got the dreaded call from work that told me I was going to float to another floor. In the past 9 years I have only floated twice and honestly it wasn't that bad, its just the anticipation of going somewhere else and not knowing what your doing. I have lost most of my skills unless they have to do with babies so I was terrrified. The scariest thing for me was that I was going to the Cancer floor. You would think working in the NICU I would be used to all the sad stuff but I knew this was going to be very hard for me. I do ok with babies but when I see older kids that are hurting it just breaks my heart.
I didn't have to go in until 1, which was great. When I got there my 2 patients were sleeping so I didn't need to wake them up until 4. I did all my cares and labs and was doing pretty good but then about six o'clock one of my cute little bald boys started to cry and wanted his mom. I completely lost it. The tears started flowing. I sat with him in his room for a little bit and tried to pull it together. His dad finally woke up and comforted him.
After my shift I walked over to my floor and saw Kerry and lost it again. Everyone just looked at me and knew I had floated over to ICS. It is not good to send the most emotional person over to a floor like that. I finally made it to my car and cried for the next two hours. I think that was the hardest thing emotionally I have ever experienced at work. I have taken a lot of babies of life support before and I do fine. I think it is a very spiritual thing and I can handle it. But I could not handle seeing a 4 year old boy who will probably not survive crying for his mom. I think this image is going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
I am so thankful that I have 3 healthy boys and I have not had to go through that trial. I look up to all the parents who hold it together as there watching their children suffer through life. I hope one day you are truly blessed. I also am so greatful there are wonderful nurses out there that can bring a smile to those cute little kids, because I definetly could not do it.
12 years ago
5 comments:
Oh, I can't even imagine. I needed to read that, because frankly- my children have been REALLY testing my patience (to put it nicely). I needed that reminder to just enjoy them because life is so fragile and precious. I don't know how you do your job- you are amazing. I don't know how you wouldn't cry seeing that. We missed you at dinner last night. I'm glad you had a good time on your vaca. Looks like a good time.
ICS is one floor that I know that I could not work. Seeing innocent kids with cancer absolutely breaks my heart. I would be crying my whole shift as well. I'm sorry that you had to float, and go through that. I cry every time I have to respond to a code over there. I commend all the nurses that are able to do it. I'm sure I'd just be a blubbering idiot my whole shift. You are a great nurse and I know the patients were very lucky to have you as their nurse.
p.s. I think it is funny that you and I always seem to choose the same background for our blogs. I haven't looked at your blog in a while and when I pulled it up today, I laughed because the last time I looked at your blog you and I had the same backgrounds. :)
Wow! That would be so hard... that really puts things in perspective.
Erica, that is so sad! I was actually in bed control when Nan was giving out float dates for NBICU and it was your date. I was so tempted to try and steal you for our 01F need but the float pool nurse that was supposed to go to either ICS or NTU was on NTU the night before and I wouldn't have been able to even say Hi since your were on call till 1. But I told them to be nice to you because we went to school together! Ha Ha! But at least now you won't have to float for a long time :)
I had to float there a few weeks ago and had the exact same experience. It took me days to get over it. I am so glad that there are nurses who can do that because I am not one of them.
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